Seoul (with a photo of Busan)

After a 16 hour journey crammed into a narrow seat being waited on by very pretty Korean girls I exited the plane only to be blasted with a wall of humidity. That and a wall of people waiting to get their temperature read by the swine flu inspectors.

My bags were two of the first to be unloaded so I was out quickly and spotted my name sloppily written on a cardboard sign. The sign's holder rushed me out to a bus that was supposed to take me to my camp.

It was no surprise that the driver had no idea how to work the air conditioner. Koreans (yes, all Koreans) do not know how to set a temperature gauge. It is either 100% on or it is off. At first I was sweating, then I was shivering, then I was sweating on and on. I was told it was an hour and 20 minute trip, but 2 and a half hours later we still weren't there. Oh, and the bus hit another car at one point. The driver was saying "aieesh!" (shit) over and over again throughout the last hour of my bus experience.

I was met at the stop by 3 people who work for the camp. They said they waited 3 hours at the stop for me. As I hadn't even been in the country for 3 hours, I wondered what motivated them to do that.

They showed me to my closet where I am going to be living for the next month. There is a twin bed, mini-fridge,a thin wardrobe and a tv. There is a gap of clear floor space that is 7ft by 2.5ft (I measured it last night with my Victorinox Swiss Tool while sweating all over the place). It is a hybrid hotel/dorm/prison. The first room they gave me didn't have a window but then I mentioned how nice windows can be, so they moved me. At around 10pm the air conditioning shutoff. It was about 85˚F (30˚C) and the humidity was about 110%. It was turned on again at 6:00am for 20 minutes but has not offered any relief since.

If you are wondering why this is such a downer post, it's because my body is covered in mosquito bites and I haven't slept in 36 hours. At least I had some awesome homemade cookies to keep me company!

Korea

I hop on a plane tomorrow morning bound for Seoul. I will spend a month working at an English day camp then I am off to my former school in Busan to teach 2nd year high school boys (they only have 3 years of high school).

The teacher who replaced me two years ago and who I am going to replace this year has his own blog. I stole the following from him. Thanks Andrew!

I’ve been here for a couple of years and these are some of the things I’ve learned in no particular order:

1. Spinning a pen on a table is an exciting way to decide who has to do pretty much anything. I suggest we replace the draft system with a giant pen and table set up.

2. Anything that can’t be decided by spinning a pen can be figured out by rock, paper, scissors. This includes all matters of diplomacy. See there? I just solved most of the world’s problems in two strokes.

3. Badminton is not only tricky to spell, but it is not just for the drunk, mentally challenged, and elderly. People take it seriously, and you better too, unless you want to get knocked out by one of those birdie things.

4. The laws of science, ration, and logic do not apply to buses and subways. There is always room for more people.

5. As an addendum to #4; The Law of the Old Woman: if you are lucky enough to get a seat on a crowded bus or train, within two stops an old woman will appear at your shoulder, leaning over you close enough that you know what they had last night for dinner. If you do not get up they will breath heavily until you either get up or stangle yourself with your headphone cords.

6. There are two kinds of food: kimchi and not kimchi. If you are a foreigner and like kimchi there may be hope for you. If you don’t like kimchi you may as well leave Korea. In addition, if you do not have rice at a meal, you may as well not be eating.

7. After living their entire lives under the threat of nuclear holocaust, old Koreans are a tough bunch. The women are perhaps the most intimidating I’ve ever met. The 70 year old woman mixing cement on the side of the street would just as soon brain you with the shovel she’s using as look at you. The men can drink more soju than a Flordia State offensive lineman drinks Gatorade.

8. If you are on a motorbike you are in no way obligated to slow down for red lights, people on the sidewalk or in alleys, or cars on the other side of the road. Taxis are only required to slow. Crosswalks may look enticing, but are road hazards and are to be ignored at all times.

9. When walking, do not expect the person blocking your way to move. You move.

10. Make sure never to make eye contact with anyone.

11. Conversely, whenever confronted with a shiny object make sure your clothes, hair, and make-up are just right. Be careful though; making eye contact with yourself creates a vortex strong enough to reverse the pull of a black hole, and would thusly destroy us all.

12. Garbage cans are not necessary. Please, place your trash on the street and someone will collect it in due time. If they don’t, I’m sure someone else will.

13. Planning and forewarning is no replacement for telling someone something at the last minute and expecting them to be grateful, and prepared.

14. Fashion is a completely subjective term. Please, feel free to combine vertical and horizontal stripes, as many plaids or floral prints as possible, and if something can be made shiny or sparkling, I say go for it.

15. There is no better way for a couple to show their solidarity than to walk around dressed in the same clothes, with their hands in eachother’s back pockets.

16. Hiking up and down rocks in three inch heels is easy, you sissy.

17. Two Parts:

If you see children on the street, they will either: A. Stare unabashedly B. Giggle, and point C. Run up to you and spout out as much broken English as they can muster as quickly as possible, after which they will stand with a blank expression on their face, as though they were not in control of their body.

If said child opts for “C.” the best response is to ask, as quickly as possible, “How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?” Ask this with as much angst and emotion as possible. Repeat as many times as necessary for the child to run away with blood running from their ears.

18. Dogs are food and cats are evil.

19. It’s completely normal for men to hold hands, play with each other’s hair, and cuddle.

20. The Japanese are evil and Korea is #1.

21. It’s perfectly acceptable to smoke anywhere I want, puke and urinate in public, hack up phlegm as loudly as possible, drop trash where ever I want, run red lights, cut lines, and bump into people while walking. However, crossing the street without the assistance of the crosswalk and light makes people extremely uncomfortable.

I posted a Korean song last time, this time you get a pretty good Japanese song with an amazing video.

UPDATE: OK, the video should work this time. Thanks for letting me know, who ever you are!

Oh Blog, how I've missed thee.

I am having a very hard time signing into this thing and when I do it doesn't seem to want to post. Hopefully it will work this time.

Lost my wallet yesterday. Had my important credit/debit cards in it, so it will be a tough couple weeks ahead.

I go to Korea next Friday. I will work at a camp for a month then I will go back to my old job at Maritime High School and hopefully also work at the neighboring Maritime University. I am going to Korea with mixed feelings. I really liked Japan, but there was something missing. I got really homesick for it while watching The Grudge and there is no way I can watch Lost in Translation anytime soon.

But as I am going to Korea I should be more "Yay Korea!" so I will borrow a post from Mutantfrog.

The Koreans really don't like the Japanese, and here is a song to show it!

The lyrics are below (the parenthesis is a Japanese person). There are notations by Mutantfrog which are explained below the lyrics.

I am Korean! (I am a Japanese!)
Hey, you, try saying “Al lo byu!” (I rob you!) *1
No! It’s “I low byoo!” (I rob you!)
Are you retarded? Can’t you even pronounce that? (Hai!)
Are you really retarded? (Hai!)
Isn’t your country just fundamentally retarded? (Hai!)
Hai! It’s your Korean boy! Fuck these pigfoot Japs! *2
Let’s kill them, boy! Fuck! These penis-face pussies motherfuckers!
Those fucking Japs that live in Japan penis-face pussy Jap bitch retard idiot bitches!
You who have been described as ‘barbarians to the East’ *3 pigfoot bitches!
Are you going to lie about your own history?! (Hai!) Go ahead and lie, you deceitful pigfeet!
Pussies! How much will you lie, pigfeet?! Keep on lying, Japs!
Lie to your mom and dad! Lie to your mom and dad!
Will you eat your mom? (Hai!) Is that OK? Yeah, that’s fine! That’s just fine!
Retard bitches! Go and have a seizure!
You barbarian, epileptic Japanese!
Mouse-dicked Jeps “Japan is our toilet!”... FUCK!
Pucking nation.. Chapan is a Pucking nation*4 (repeat 2x)
Hey, you defeated nation! (Hai!) You retards who waited in line to fuck our women (retard retard retard!)
Japanese girls, you are gross! I wouldn’t fuck you even if I had the chance! You’re a bunch of fixed up abominations!
You won’t even fuck dirty Korean pussy! We won’t touch your tiny cocks!
I am Korean! We are the master and you are the puppet!
Do you remember what our country gave to you before you were opened? (Do you remember?!)
Ancient sword! Ancient sword!
Your country’s treasure, and we gave it to you! Think of it next time you greet us! Kneel before us! (Hai!)
Thank us for letting you have it! (Hai!) Obey us forever! (Hai!) Pray to us in tears! (Hai!)
Pucking nation.. Chapan is a Pucking nation (repeat 2x)
Japs! will you bring all the people of your sinking nation to our beautiful yet tiny island Tokto? (Hai!)
Japs! You who took an A-bomb directly to one of your cities! Hiroshima BOMB! Nagasaki BOMB! Tokyo BOMB! Japan BOMB! BOMB BOMB BOMB! ← Starcraft sample “Nuclear Launch Detected!”
We’ll nuke your asses! We’ll nuke your asses!
HEY YOU! Remember Malta?? No, you didn’t learn about it? You retards, you never learned about it, did you?
North Korea is our country! We’ll get ahead of you, you Japs! We’ll show you how to piss!
Eat a cup! (Hai!) Drink this piss! (Hai!) Is that OK? It’s OK. Yeah, that’s right you retards! Go have a seizure! Barbarian Japs, epileptic Japanese!
Pucking nation.. Chapan is a Pucking nation*4 (repeat 2x)

1—Both Japanese and Koreans struggle to say “I love you” correctly, but these guys feel the need to make fun of the Japanese pronunciation.
2—pigfoot is a popular slur in Korea for Japanese people because of the shape of Japanese zoori sandals.
3—倭奴 We-nom in Korean is a term for “Barbarians to the East,” a term originally from China that historically includes Korea. The rappers don’t seem to know this.
4—Koreans tend to have trouble with the letter F, pronouncing it with a P sound instead.


Yes, I know not all Koreans hate Japanese. But they are like Mormons. When there are 2 or more Mormons around they will never drink alcohol and stick to the party line (We don't like Japan), but if it is just one Mormon, watch out! He'll be begging you to take him to the Eastern European strip club after a few beers and shots (Actually, I like Japan)!

Maybe I'll learn to write this year.